just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
