you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
