I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
