Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
