That's when you crack a 10am beer
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
