I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
