The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
