People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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