so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
