you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
