Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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