apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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