how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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