There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
