When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
