The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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