why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
