We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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