Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
