I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
