Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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