thus making me awesome and them whores
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
