Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
