The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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