DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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