Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
