he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize