I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
