what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
