Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
