Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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