But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
