road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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