Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
