Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wear drunk well.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
