I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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