He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
