I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
