Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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