My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
