yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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