my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
