see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
