Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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