I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
