Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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