In the future we'll all be gay
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
