He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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