I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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