I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
