I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize