I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
