What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i came on her dog
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
