If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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