Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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