I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
