I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
