going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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