Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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