So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
