Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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