Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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